I havent written since I was in europe...which seems like a lifetime ago. so much has happened since then...and if im honest, in some areas, so little. i dont think we should ever try to plan our lives because when has that plan ever worked out for anyone? id really like to know!
when your younger you see yourself and imagine yourself to be a certain way when you "grow up". I have definatley grown upwards...gotten closer to the sky, but i think i was more ambitious and head-strong and mature when i was younger, naive yes, but im still naive now aswell. so naive. even though i think i have thick skin i still let people in way too easily. now days im only growing out, out of the skin which i thought id heavily encased myself in. im not who i thought i was, or who i thought i would be. its not necessarily a bad thing, i can handle this....
there is just too much to confuse you in life. it seemed much less complicated overseas because you forget the bad times when your distanced from them and you only remember the good times. the answer doesnt seem hard to find because nothings confusing you.
until you get home. and you realise peoples indifference towards you. and you realise the answers were too easy and that you were stupid to think that they could ever be realistic, just daydreams.
i still want to dream though, because dreaming allows me to go back to who i was and who i wanted to be, take me away from the people i never wanted to turn into and make me want better for myself.
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