how did we get here?

its crazzzy but ive let so much go lately and it feels fantastic! even if you dont have something in your life all the time anymore, you have memories and whatever or whoever is not present anymore, still had a lot of purpose in your life at one point. it just really, really doesnt have to be at this point in time.

Such a simple lesson but one that knowone else can teach you. man it feels lovely to be growing up now. i have a lot more confidence in myself and it shows in the choices ive made and how ive handled them. a few years ago i would never have been able to let someone, that i let into my life easily, out of it just as easily and be so ok with it. i do not need to hold on cause it was great, is great when they are here. or there.

other people take you longer to let go, but when you do its amazing and you feel a good sense of pride for yourself.

i let anger go. its much simpler to do when people co-operate and leave you alone as you asked them too, it shows a sign of respect, even if that respect is very mild. and for that im thankful.

i once again have a brand new slate, even if the past is still there, it is no longer in my present.

nice weather, fantastic conclusions!

Its been a long time coming...

I havent written since I was in europe...which seems like a lifetime ago. so much has happened since then...and if im honest, in some areas, so little. i dont think we should ever try to plan our lives because when has that plan ever worked out for anyone? id really like to know!

when your younger you see yourself and imagine yourself to be a certain way when you "grow up". I have definatley grown upwards...gotten closer to the sky, but i think i was more ambitious and head-strong and mature when i was younger, naive yes, but im still naive now aswell. so naive. even though i think i have thick skin i still let people in way too easily. now days im only growing out, out of the skin which i thought id heavily encased myself in. im not who i thought i was, or who i thought i would be. its not necessarily a bad thing, i can handle this....

there is just too much to confuse you in life. it seemed much less complicated overseas because you forget the bad times when your distanced from them and you only remember the good times. the answer doesnt seem hard to find because nothings confusing you.

until you get home. and you realise peoples indifference towards you. and you realise the answers were too easy and that you were stupid to think that they could ever be realistic, just daydreams.

i still want to dream though, because dreaming allows me to go back to who i was and who i wanted to be, take me away from the people i never wanted to turn into and make me want better for myself.

TODAY IN ACE VENTURA

was awsome, everything has been funny and we have all been delirious...
feeling fluey wasnt much fun but after my nanna nap this arvo ive been back on top of the world! theres not a wench in the world who can take that away from me right now cause i feel like im exactly where im meant to be and thats a great feeling...too bad im leaving right where im meant to be in 9 days...SHIIIIT
ah well im sure iĺl sort myself out no matter what, ive found i can look out for myself quite good now! and i have some great people and met some great people who have made me feel great ahahahaha whoop
ps never ever again do i want to see a whole dead piglet for sale...oh yep two here, straight up please!? who wants that for their birthday?
cant wait to get down with some crew from home though, ive missed some people on the dancefloor...
but i really cant wait to see whats going to happen at home aswell, cause clean slates allow many oppotunities
ps this football team is really annoying...get them away from us

barcelona: you dont eat eyeballs? ooh too bad!

maybe if i ate some mine would come back but right now they feel like they have melted out of my eye sockets which is rather alarming to say the least...just left berlin where we caught up with our mates from our tour again and im so stoked that we actually could! hanging with the boys again was exactly what the doctor ordered and having them in our room just made it even funner cause it was like a big slumber party for three days, too bad the first thing i saw was meercat everymorning though haha kidding jackson... however, i dont think i slept properly once after us girls crashed on that first day and the boys came back to the room and turned the lights on, drinking, partying and having an awsome time was the only thing on the menu (and the odd massive cheeseburger too). happy hour which was ridiculously cheap, pub crawl and quiz mania...tugging on the ears, dancing with prostitutes, getting lost in the back of the nightclub, watching harry jump a gazillion stairs and eaglehouse ·pantsdown· rock and soulja boy with ziggy, pool, sexy red, pints and razzmopolitans... it didnt stop! and im so glad, it had been a little while since we partied that hard and it was refreshing! now back to a little more of a cruisy pace in spain before heading to portugal and staying at the rising cock in lagos which has an awsome rep for being the best hostel around...
getting here was pretty mad hectic though, so many angry germans yelling at us in german which was quite scary on the tube when it was -19 degrees at 7 in the morning cause we had our big bags, two flights and two bus rides and another train ride later and we got to our hostel which seems nice...when we went to get dinner we realised we couldnt understand any spanish at all and when we looked at the pictures it was of egg and chips and tomato and chicken> just random assortments of foods, or foul looking stuff that looked like lungs (and probably was) in a tomato sauce :( after getting lost for an hour cause we took a wrong fork in the road and finding our way back to our hostel we saw telepizza across the road which saved our lives and our sanity...we were all quite delirious by this stage! but now that we are fed and cosy i cant wait to check out spain and all it has to offer, better make the most of it too, i go home in less than two weeks and who knows what awaits me there? some areas are looking pretty bleak and at one stage earlier this week i wanted my eyeballs out of my head (so be careful what you wish for) and i wish i could be niave and not know or realise what i saw and i guess i dont 100% know, but at the same time im nearly that sure of whats been going down...but i guess part of growing up and getting older is to know that you just need to get over things and sometimes you really do have to let people go at times even if its the last thing that you thought youd ever have to do or want to do...
WHO KNOWS? hopefully i do by the time i get back, times running ouuuuut haha a spanish version of last christmas just came on, it has been everywhere...gotta love george!
i leave you now, the big man
i think i need to shower just quietly
actually, no need to be quiet, knowone knows what im saying and if i did yell that out theyd probably try to shove a lung down my throat
x